I Remember The Most Was It s Not Your Fault Koko Bear

Growing up with divorced parents is never easy; especially when you, as a five year old, blame yourself for your parents’ divorce. What makes it worse is walking in on the night that caused the divorce. Walking into the screaming, the yelling, and the tears. Walking in on your brother calling the cops. Walking in when your mother is on the verge of death. Walking in and immediately blaming yourself. Thinking to yourself ‘I could have prevented this.’ Never truly realising that this was not your fault. When I was five my mother realized the divorce took more of a toll on me than she originally thought. She sent me in to see a therapist because I was pulling out my hair. I was later diagnosed with trichotillomania, which is a compulsive†¦show more content†¦A few years passed and I no longer needed to look at the bear in order to not blame myself. I was getting better and better, no longer harming myself. I put Koko Bear away in a place where I thought I wo uld never need to reach for him again, but just knowing he would be there would calm me if needed. I was wrong; I still needed him. When I was in the fourth grade I gained weight because of the other students in elementary school bullying me. I never knew what I did wrong enough to deserve to be bullied. To this day, I still do not know. It was in the summer before fifth grade that I stopped eating. I never told anyone, but I lost all the weight I put on, and then some. There were days when I would eat one meal a day and others where I would eat too much. I never knew what my eating disorder was until seventh grade. A year after I learned about my eating disorder I was put back into therapy and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. During my therapy sessions I had to tell my new therapist about where I thought my depression came from. I had to retell my story of my parents’ divorce. It was then that I remembered Koko Bear. Later that night, when I came home, I searched f or Koko Bear. I was reminded that not everything is my fault. The bullies, the eating disorder, the depression and anxiety. None of it was my fault. I went through the rest of my eighth grade year, and a bit of freshman year, going through therapy. It helped me in